Obsessed!

Bet you thought I disappeared? Nope, just typical me.

So I'm gonna try this blogging thing AGAIN. Although my life is pretty damn boring!

Current Obsession:

Angelo Parente

Drummer from Motionless in White.

I mean...look at those eyes! lol But seriously, I've been watching interview upon interview with the entire band and I just want to give him a big damn hug. He seems like the nicest guy ever. HONESTLY I'm kinda obsessed with the whole band but Ange just sticks out to me for some reason. I freaking love this band. I told my brother to check them out and he wanted to know what was wrong with me. LOL. Yes they are angry, but how's that different from any other band I like? They don't give a fuck and they actually give a shit about their fans. Can't wait until their new album comes out! 

I do not own this photo! Copyright Jeremy Shaffer

Neglect

Oh how I've neglected you my sweet blog.

I guess I haven't had much inspiration. This isn't going to be one of those catch up blog posts, because, well I'm boring and that would be a waste of your time!

Can I just say I freaking love FALL! I wish it was Fall all year round. I hate summer, too hot. I blame this on being a December baby. Football, fair time (whether or not I get to go), sweaters...and in South Carolina Flip flops...bc let's just be real, it's still warm enough most of fall.

We're moving in a week five days. How much have I packed? Two boxes. Two boxes of pictures in frames. LOL. I'm going to regret that on Friday when I come home to a HUGE mess thanks to Greg. Whatevs. Speaking of moving. Are you a long drawn out process mover or do you like to get it all done in one day? I am the move in one day type. I can't stand to not know where all my crap is! I (no matter what my mother says) can't stand a mess and I like to unpack everything and have it all set up in one day. So realistic, especially living with a man-child.

Oh and I know you've heard it a million times...but seriously...cutest nephews ever!!!

When did my Trey-be Baby get so grown?!

You know how sometimes certain songs just touch you? They may not even be by your favorite band?

This song is one of those.

I'll be the first to admit that Evanescence is fairly mainstream for me, but this song just gets to me.

I was watching random videos on Youtube and saw "Call Me when you're sober" which also at a point in my life described perfectly the "relationship" I was in. As a matter of fact I posted the lyrics on Myspace in a blog and pissed that person the hell off. YEP every word fit him to a T.

I digress... Lithium made me tear up. As it has so many times in the past. There a history of mental illness in my family. My paternal grandmother was Bi-Polar, my maternal grandparents were both self medicating themselves up to their deaths. Since high school I've been off and on anti-depressants several times. But this song just describes perfectly how it feels. Being lost in the medication. I've felt numb so many times...just going through motions and not feeling. It's hard to decide which situation is worse, being depressed or feeling nothing. You get tired of just "being."

most days

My best cousin is the best therapy that I could ever have. You know how some people just GET you? yep that's my Lala. Talking to her sometimes is just all I need!

These past few weeks have sucked. Anyone who has followed previous blogs know, I mostly blog when I'm in a funk. This is definitely one of those times.

I'm feeling very discontent about things. Just downright blah. A wise someone told me fixing little things would help, but I just don't know where to start. I'm a creature of habit and my work routine is all thrown off and it's killllllling me. The end result will be better, but right now I'm just out of place. I don't even know how to explain.

The last blog I wrote is still fresh in my mind. My head is spinning from all the thoughts I'm having. And once again...no clue where to start.

I can run away?


"and I'm still waiting for a good day 
I think I've held this long enough "

Dear you,

It's hard to believe 7 years ago I JUST met you. Even though I say we really met many years before. It's hard for me to believe (still) that you aren't in my life anymore.

6 years ago I was 19 years old. I was childish. I was ridiculous. I couldn't see what was right in front of me. I did some stupid things, said some stupid things, and I don't think I'll ever forgive myself.

You are honestly the only person in my.whole.life to ever call me out on my bullshit. Even things I know deep down you just said it "you're being stupid" is a quote I heard come out of your mouth SOOOOOO freaking often. Every single time it was true.

I'm older, I'm fatter, I've been through way more shit. And it's all made me realize what a wonderful friend you were. You promised me a long time ago you'd never speak to me again. I really trust you meant it. But I want you to know how important you were to me all along. No matter how it seemed on the outside it killed me to not have you in my life. It'll always kill me. Cliche..but a part of me will always be missing.

I've told you before I'm sorry, with no response. Part of me wants to send you the link to this blog, but part of me wants to leave "well enough" alone.

I miss you TSC. Plain and simple.

"We'll roll on with our heads held high
Our conscience in the gutter
Our dreams up in the sky"

...

This is like...attempt 50 at blogging. here goes...